12.20.08

i am sitting in front of my computer and I don't know what to say.  I have all these sticky notes on the wall behind my computer.  each has a quote or saying that I liked when i wrote them.  each is a different way to live so to speak.  

with out change there is no growth....

awareness releases reality to change you...

all of them are things like this... but why haven't i changed?  Why am I still doing the things I wish i didn't.  I am just the same person a little bit older, stressed and tired.  just wanting to be different.  you have so much in life that is all pattern and habit... this day is like this and like this and like that.  How do I change to be like I want.  I see this image in my head of who i should be and it is not like I am.  Why are they different?  This is all just a mess in a guy's head.  it doesn't even make sense to me now.  All I want to do is help make the world a better place.  doesn't everyone?  They say that too much of life is just waiting for moments.... Is my moment gone already? has it yet to come?  Or is it right now.  Like I said in the earlier posts....  The only way to change the world is start with myself.  all I know is I have right now... this moment is the only one that matters.... but man do I have a lot to change.